Learn why some relationship conflicts can be solved through negotiation while others signal deeper incompatibility. This relationship pyramid model reveals what's truly negotiable in love.
Sure. As mentioned, they can include feeling emotionally safe, having your thoughts and feelings respected, maintaining your sense of individual identity, or requiring physical affection to feel connected. In short, the one or two needs without which you cannot feel whole, respected and safe. We all have different primary needs because we are not all secure in our attachment style. It's hard t be conscious of it because we tend to deny our needs to coexist with a partner and be loved. We're scared that if we express those needs we might end up alone.
the 'rub' is that we all draw those horizontal lines at different levels.
to explain with a hyperbolic extreme: One person could be "everything is foundational and non-negotiable" and the other "I will change any foundational need for you" (ie i have no core).
I think most people feel these separators easily; harder to explicate and navigate.
Good question Carrie! You're right; values shouldn't be compromised. However, "negotiable" is not synonymous with "compromised." Negotiating means being empathetic enough to understand another person's perspective without agreeing with it. It means knowing what boundaries you're not ready to cross and working to find a solution that's acceptable to both parties.
Thank you. By honest introspection. It's NOT what you need from your partner, it's what needs are essential to your wellbeing that your expect and trust your partner to help you fulfill. I know, it's not easy, we're not used to questioning ourselves in this way. but it's essential
Can you give some more examples of primary needs please?
Sure. As mentioned, they can include feeling emotionally safe, having your thoughts and feelings respected, maintaining your sense of individual identity, or requiring physical affection to feel connected. In short, the one or two needs without which you cannot feel whole, respected and safe. We all have different primary needs because we are not all secure in our attachment style. It's hard t be conscious of it because we tend to deny our needs to coexist with a partner and be loved. We're scared that if we express those needs we might end up alone.
Love this - really rings true! Thanks for publishing @Rob Lefort
Thank you!
the 'rub' is that we all draw those horizontal lines at different levels.
to explain with a hyperbolic extreme: One person could be "everything is foundational and non-negotiable" and the other "I will change any foundational need for you" (ie i have no core).
I think most people feel these separators easily; harder to explicate and navigate.
interesting take...
I’m curious why you think values are negotiable? Those would be near foundational I would think.
Good question Carrie! You're right; values shouldn't be compromised. However, "negotiable" is not synonymous with "compromised." Negotiating means being empathetic enough to understand another person's perspective without agreeing with it. It means knowing what boundaries you're not ready to cross and working to find a solution that's acceptable to both parties.
Fascinating! I have never seen it broken down like this. How do I figure out what my primary needs are?
Thank you. By honest introspection. It's NOT what you need from your partner, it's what needs are essential to your wellbeing that your expect and trust your partner to help you fulfill. I know, it's not easy, we're not used to questioning ourselves in this way. but it's essential