The Untangled Self
Subscribe
Sign in
Home
Notes
Psychology
Identity
Relationships
Therapy
Neuroscience
About
Mind Over Misery: The Psychology Behind Pain Tolerance
Pain is less about tissue damage than about what your brain decides to do with it. A psychologist unpacks the surprising science of why tolerance varies…
Feb 24
•
Rob Lefort
6
1
3
Understanding Gaslighting Beyond the Buzzword
Gaslighting is the systematic undermining of someone's confidence in their perception. Recognizing this distinction is essential for distinguishing…
Feb 10
•
Rob Lefort
9
3
Never Good Enough: The Hidden Cost of Perfectionism
Perfectionism feels like ambition but acts like a wound. Unpack where it comes from, what it costs you, and how to stop chasing approval you were never…
Feb 17
•
Rob Lefort
10
4
2
Most Popular
View all
The Effort-Avoidance Bias: When Choosing Comfort Makes Your Life Smaller
Dec 12, 2025
•
Rob Lefort
147
13
34
What Most Couples Don't Understand About Relationships: A Reality Check
Jul 4, 2025
•
Rob Lefort
94
12
22
The Catch-22 of Anxious Attachment
Dec 3, 2025
•
Rob Lefort
97
11
26
Beyond Body Count: The Scientific Predictors of Infidelity
Jan 13
•
Rob Lefort
44
4
6
The Negotiation Skills That Can Save Your Relationship
Aug 12, 2025
•
Rob Lefort
51
6
10
Why Emotional Maturity is the Ultimate Relationship Dealbreaker
Sep 20, 2025
•
Rob Lefort
58
6
11
Recent posts
View all
Open Relationships: When Sexual Liberation Meets Tuesday Morning Carpools
A psychotherapist's perspective on open relationships: The research, the risks, and what nobody tells you about navigating non-monogamy with kids…
Feb 3
•
Rob Lefort
10
3
3
The Belonging Paradox: Why Trying to Fit in Guarantees You Never Will
Why do we feel like outsiders everywhere? Learn how pre-rejecting yourself creates the belonging problem you're trying to avoid.
Jan 27
•
Rob Lefort
10
1
5
Succeeding at Failure: Why Getting it Wrong is How You Get it Right
Most people get failure wrong—they either ignore it or let it define them. Here's how to fail productively, extract the lessons, and actually grow from…
Jan 20
•
Rob Lefort
7
3
3
Beyond Body Count: The Scientific Predictors of Infidelity
The research-backed truth about infidelity: from eye movements to evolutionary instincts, what science actually reveals about who cheats and why.
Jan 13
•
Rob Lefort
44
4
6
Why Introverts Overspend Their Social Budget and End Up Exhausted
For introverts, conversations comes with an emotional cost. Learn what happens when your nervous system spends more than it can recharge, and how to…
Jan 7
•
Rob Lefort
15
4
2
Marina Abramović, The Art of Being Human
How Performance Art strips away our psychological defenses and forces us to confront vulnerability, mortality, and existential angst.
Jan 1
•
Rob Lefort
13
7
Why You Keep Repeating the Same Mistakes and How to Fix the Bug
A New Year's Reality Check: Your brain's mental shortcuts can turn mistakes into habits. Here's why you keep repeating errors and what actually breaks…
Dec 30, 2025
•
Rob Lefort
12
1
Here's Why the Source of Your Anxiety Is Also Your Way Out
Discover how your brain's greatest liability—its ability to manufacture anxiety from thin air—is also your ticket to freedom.
Dec 23, 2025
•
Rob Lefort
23
3
The Subtle Art of Not Taking Your Partner For Granted
How to stop expecting your partner to read your mind, and discover a better way to communicate your needs to create a sustainable, balanced…
Dec 17, 2025
•
Rob Lefort
20
5
The Effort-Avoidance Bias: When Choosing Comfort Makes Your Life Smaller
Why laziness, procrastination, and avoidance are the same psychological mechanism—and how deliberately seeking friction rewires your brain from…
Dec 12, 2025
•
Rob Lefort
147
13
34
Why Smart People Stay Stuck (and What Actually Breaks the Pattern)
On blind spots, expertise traps, why self-improvement has structural limits, and why external feedback isn't optional
Dec 10, 2025
•
Rob Lefort
13
2
2
The Catch-22 of Anxious Attachment
Without self-worth, growth is impossible, but anxious attachment makes achieving it seem nearly impossible. Here's how to break free
Dec 3, 2025
•
Rob Lefort
97
11
26
See all
The Untangled Self
Practical tools for navigating anxiety, depression, and identity in the modern world, by a clinical psychologist.
Subscribe
Recommendations
View all 10
Granted
Adam Grant
Sarah Fay
Sarah Fay
Narcissism, Trauma, Fame and Power
Dr Simon Rogoff
Derek Thompson
Derek Thompson
Jonathan Shedler
Jonathan Shedler
Site
Rob Lefort
Psychotherapist
This site requires JavaScript to run correctly. Please
turn on JavaScript
or unblock scripts