I’ve been with my husband for 16 years, and it’s taken us a long time to get here — but this is exactly what he’s doing for me now. He’s not trying to "fix" me. He’s supporting me as I learn to manage my emotional intensity, develop healthier coping strategies, and build more secure attachments. That kind of steady support is helping me heal in ways I never thought possible.
Something feels missing here for me. Surely a consensual relationship is a meeting of two souls and not just about behaviour management; notwithstanding that there may be challenges. I caveat this as I haven’t experienced this kind of relationship, but can we say that all overreactions are one sided or needs a ‘boundary’ setting by the other person rather than taking the time to understand the point of view of the other and what we may be bringing to the dynamic? ‘You’ll question yourself, question them, question whether love should be this complicated’: this could have been written about any of the conversations I have with my 40 something friends who are long term married! I worry that this is missing some important nuance and potentially perpetuates stigma.
You're right to point this out. Boundaries are not one-sided, and relationships are complex and fragile. They cannot be reduced to dysfunctional behaviors. However, that wasn't the point of the article. Relationships with people who have borderline personality disorder are very difficult and require an understanding of the dynamics involved for the relationship to survive. A personality disorder is not a disease that can be cured. It's complex structural patterns that must be accepted and "managed" as well as possible within the limits of what both people can tolerate.
I’ve been with my husband for 16 years, and it’s taken us a long time to get here — but this is exactly what he’s doing for me now. He’s not trying to "fix" me. He’s supporting me as I learn to manage my emotional intensity, develop healthier coping strategies, and build more secure attachments. That kind of steady support is helping me heal in ways I never thought possible.
Thank you for your contribution. Consistent and loving support from a partner is a lifeline for many people with BPD.
Something feels missing here for me. Surely a consensual relationship is a meeting of two souls and not just about behaviour management; notwithstanding that there may be challenges. I caveat this as I haven’t experienced this kind of relationship, but can we say that all overreactions are one sided or needs a ‘boundary’ setting by the other person rather than taking the time to understand the point of view of the other and what we may be bringing to the dynamic? ‘You’ll question yourself, question them, question whether love should be this complicated’: this could have been written about any of the conversations I have with my 40 something friends who are long term married! I worry that this is missing some important nuance and potentially perpetuates stigma.
You're right to point this out. Boundaries are not one-sided, and relationships are complex and fragile. They cannot be reduced to dysfunctional behaviors. However, that wasn't the point of the article. Relationships with people who have borderline personality disorder are very difficult and require an understanding of the dynamics involved for the relationship to survive. A personality disorder is not a disease that can be cured. It's complex structural patterns that must be accepted and "managed" as well as possible within the limits of what both people can tolerate.